Wednesday, 14 December 2016

"We've caught Pessimism, gang! Let's see who this spook really is."

Stirner pulls off the mask from the spooky ideological entity

"Moralism and emotional projection?!"

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling philosophical skeptics!"

~~~

Yeah, so I've not been properly active for...4 years?

I'm not really sure I can say I care much. The people I met here were cool, but I've come to a lot of conclusions about the efilist/pessimist sphere; I'm not really sure constantly ruminating on the state of the world was in any way good for my mental illness.

As to mental illness: working diagnosis Bipolar Disorder, on Lithium. Not many side effects, seems to be helping a good bit. Things have happened in my life but in general I know people don't, and admittedly shouldn't, care for an update. I say this mainly to clarify: one of the main things that helps with coping with depressive episodes is to not ruminate.

Previously I was against the "don't ruminate" advice because I was hateful of any "normie" who would say such a thing. Now I realise, it's quite true. While I don't like applying moralistic or global judgements to things now, I can still sympathise with saying "the world is awful!". But a community that gives worth and value to those who state this isn't actually performing any useful function. At least not to me, perhaps others enjoyed it.

If you think the world is awful, I'm not going to disagree. I'm more stating that this mindset doesn't help me, and generally makes me fall prey to spooks such as believing morality can be at all objective, applying one's personal desires and kindness to friends to the entire universe, and believing this universe being "horrible" impacts at all on one's subjective experience. I highlight "subjectve" because I feel a major fault of the community was its "scientism" in general.

Essentially, our worldviews were all focussed outside of ourselves.. Our own negative emotions were not dealt with (or at least mine) and were projected outward at everything. This was made worse by humanity's tendency to circlejerk - to reward those going with the party mantra or escalating the party mantra. It was a strange, memetic masochism - gaining pleasure from causing oneself despair.

It was a status game that I, a socially retarded 17 year old was playing while kidding myself I was "pursuing truth", truth being the current views of the community. The scientific, humanist and objective worldview I talked of here was actually against what I initially believed. I initially believed that antinatalism sounded cool only so that I could have not been born, then tried to force myself to adopt a consequentialist or deontological moral system in order to sustain that view. Sustain it, and become "the cool kid".

I hold that antinatalism would, in fact, appear evident in a lot of moral systems. But I completely reject moral systems and claims of morality being anything other than my spontaneous desires to be altruistic. The problem with the pessimist community for me is the same as that of the rationalist (LessWrong) and New Atheist community - they deny that the basis of reality is on subjective perceptions. Many deny the existence of consciousness itself, such as Ligotti as far as I remember.

I'll not ramble as I tended to: I've always tended towards radical skepticism philosophically. I began back on that track after diminishing gains in social status on this sphere. It was liberating. It probably won't be for anyone reading this. But it was nice to know that I could shrug off the chains of thinking this world is EVIL and making sure to be altruistic in every exchange. It was nice to know that I wasn't a Daniel Dennett-esque robot and that this reality is not an unfixable hell. Understanding that even my conception that "suffering = bad" was unknowable, I realised I could believe what I desired.

By being radically skeptical in a David Hume/Stirner-ish way I decided that if almost everything is unknowable, I can choose what beliefs I desire so long as they do not conflict too much with the unchangeing world I perceive. And while I know it's not an amazing "good" should I experience pleasure or wonder, I still CHOOSE to do so; to experience interesting emotions and events for no reason other than it feels like I am being true to me. It feels "authentic".

tl;dr I'm not dead guys thanks for asking. I'm not posting here again unless people legitimately want to hear my current thoughts on stuff. Just clearing stuff up for anyone randomly clicking on my Twitter account and thinking "where are the shitposts? I was promised edgy shitposts!!!".

5 comments:

  1. Hey.

    I used to read your blog years ago, and recently I stumbled upon your twitter account and enjoyed it, not knowing you were the same person whose blog I used to read until I noticed the link to it there (which took me a few days, somehow.)

    Anyway, I like this post, I think it's quite honest and self-aware. I can somewhat relate to it.

    So I, for one, am legitimately interested in hearing your current thoughts on stuff here, if you wish to continue this blog. For what it's worth. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, I'm glad it didn't come across as mean-spirited.

      I'm not sure about blogging more here. Anything I write that isn't humorous or fictitious seems to culminate in amplifying my own erroneous beliefs into depressive or angry ideology. This even applies to tweets, which is why I'm making a large effort to keep non-replies free of criticism (or support for) ideology.

      I will think it over, however. Thanks again!

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  2. I agree with practically all of this, which is why I've practically stopped blogging myself.

    Glad to see you're alive!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Karl! Glad to see you alive too, haha.

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  3. I am glad you are doing okay. I enjoyed communicating with you a few years ago. I am still an antinatalist, but there has not been much activity on the blogs recently.

    ReplyDelete