Saturday, 5 May 2012

Technically anhedonia, actually depersonalisation

"Before I had heard about DP I thought I had anhedonia. But from my understanding it is a severe form of depression and with my case I really am not depressed, just nothingness. That still could be the definition of anhedonia but I think it relates to normal severe depression rather than what I experience." - http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/6784-do-you-read-books-watch-movies/

I'm not putting an end to my previous 'anhedonia' category. I'm much too lazy for that. But on the other hand I am going to say that I have had a revelation of sorts (so powerful, in fact, that it made me feel as if one cell on the surface on my skin had died), that my loss of pleasure is NOT in fact due to extreme depression, as my mood is not quite so terrible as it had once been, but is instead due to a lack of ability to connect to things - i.e. depersonalisation/derealisation. Now since the technical definition of anhedonia IS, I think a loss of pleasure, then I'm still set to call everything in the depression category anhedonia, though it is misleading to lump them together, because my anhedonia is most likely caused by depersonalisation, which was caused by severe anxiety in the past, which as you know, is an entirely different (though frequently comorbid) thing than depression.

What does this mean then? Well effectively it means I can get my psychiatrist to mess about with my anxiety medication (though I no longer have anxiety, I have its ultimate weapon jammed inside me, depersonalisation), or cut to the chase and just start treating me specifically as though I have depersonalisation disorder, which I probably do have given my lack of sense of self, my frequent 'spacing out' periods where I forget where I am and about the universe, and my constant "Who am I?" questions that lead to no answers. I am also fundamentally unable to connect to anything or anyone, because none of them actually seem real to me. School is over forever, and I will probably never see my friends again. This had the same effect as getting a hangnail would, if I'm being particularly generous about things.

Does that mean there's a magical cure for this? Probably not. That's because depersonalisation is still a pretty new topic in psychiatry, I think. Or at least, it's not something psychiatrists have had luck with finding drugs to cure it.

9 comments:

  1. I've heard that opiates make you euphoric, carefree and may even give drive and ambition.

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  2. Yeah I think I've heard about that too. I've always wanted to try them, but do not really have the means at the moment to do so.

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  3. The means aren't as difficult as you may think qohelet, and needn't be expensive, as you really only need the poppies. Which gow on fields. Or else their seeds are sold in many gardening shops.

    Raw poppy sap is the actual opium. Check out wikipedia if you want more information.

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    1. Wow anon. All I can say is, thank you so much! My friend who isn't me will definitely try this when he moves out. Thanks again!

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  4. You can order kratom over the internet. My ex told me it's very similar to opiates. And you can find reviews and such on erowid.org.

    Also, I just read your post on avolition, and read the comments about buddhist practice. Now, I must admit that I don't know a lot about it. So, someone please correct me here. But you did mention that being a non-thinking entity was something you desired (as far as those go). It would seem to me that not being a person, and lacking depressed mood, would almost be the point of such practice? Perhaps Buddhist thinking lends itself to the idea that without desires, motivations, thoughts, etc...there is some autopilot mechanism that takes over, which is a remainder of the former self and allows for the new self to feel peace at the lack of wordly afflictions. But perhaps this is not true. Maybe there is no such autopilot of peace. Maybe there is either depersonalization and emptiness (which does not necessarily feel good? As much as it FEELS like anything?) or there is a self with wants and desires and thoughts.
    I don't see how the Buddhist "lack of" could be attained without a reference point of self, which could very well be distressed by the , as you seem to be. The only other option is complete lack of self-awareness, which is terrifying to me, at least, because I've always thought that constitutes full-blown madness, and is likely burdensome to others.
    Just some thoughts. I hope you're well.

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  5. I'm almost certain it's from mold toxicity. I thought I had severe depersonalization. But it was actually severe anhedonia. I still have it and I just found out its due to brain inflammation from Mold. Please check Dr sponaugle mold depression. I hope my reply isn't too late.

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  6. I'm almost certain it's from mold toxicity. I thought I had severe depersonalization. But it was actually severe anhedonia. I still have it and I just found out its due to brain inflammation from Mold. Please check Dr sponaugle mold depression. I hope my reply isn't too late.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. I've done many blood tests and everything came out fine. Dp or anhedonia can be triggered by many factors.e.g depression, anxiety, panic attaks, head injury, drug use. Mine were triggered by coming off antidepressants (i don't suffer from depression before this).

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