Thursday, 10 May 2012

Becoming a social outcast

I am a social moron. To regular readers, this should not be surprising, given how much I ramble on about my social-boo boos and various ways to cope with being a semi-social outcast*. I cannot help non-conforming. I have been destined since my awkward childhood to being forever restricted to making friends only with those who have significantly lowered their standards. This doesn't bother me much, since I've had plenty of time to accept it for what it is. I say 'much', because though it does give me little niggling "Maybe I can change" hopes and "WHY IS IT THIS WAY" outbursts, most of the time it really doesn't impact on me at all. If you can find other outcasts, things aren't so bad, even if they are less outcast enough (grammar police be damned) than you that they frequently play annoying verbal dominance-submission games with insults and such. You get used to those as well. Remember, bullies can be social outcasts too.

I am destined to be this way, as I have said. I still practice the use of my few social skills to the best of my ability so maybe, just maybe they'll get better, BUT, since my progress has been incredibly slow for the most part, I doubt I will ever progress to the standard of most 10 year-olds. But what about people who can choose? Would anyone ever choose to become a social outcast of their own free will? Is that even a possible thing? The problem with non-conforming as a word, is that it frequently means sacrificing one group's ideals in favour of another group's. Antinatalism for example, if more of us publicly told others that we believed in such a thing, would be an act of TRUE non-conformation as far as I see it, as no real community exists around antinatalism - too few people, not enough eye make-up or headbanging, if you know what I mean (no group homogeneity). True non-conformation in my view of things is rejecting the mainstream group in favour of becoming a social outcast - not a social outcast who is not really a social outcast, like being a nerd with your own subculture and twenty other friends who are nerds like you. I think becoming a transsexual would be a good example of becoming a social outcast by choice. It is not entirely 'by choice' as there's a pretty large drive behind doing so usually, but what is by choice anyway? An even better example would be becoming a hermit, which is not social isolation by prejudice towards people like you as it would be if you became a transsexual, but rather it would be social isolation entirely by choice.

Is it ever a good thing to become a social outcast, either partially, or in the case of hermits, entirely?
You can probably base that off of how much pleasure you expect to receive, or how much pain you expect to be taken away. I am not sure if you can trust your own assessments of such things, but reading a lot of psychology on biases and such could help you plan out your life change appropriately. 

*Outcast due to lack of ability to interact socially, not due to prejudice or poverty etc.


  1. What do you mean by having friends, social interaction and being socially integrated?

    What exactly is that you're longing for, estnihil? Getting a girlfriend? Having a group of buddies to go to clubs, pubs and footbal matches with?

  2. My cheery view: you just need to be around smart people, period. My bestie claims he was so outcast in high school that even the D&D people wouldn't play with him, but once he escaped to Harvard he was golden and has had a string of super-smart model-hot long-term girlfriends (no he's not rich) and is a social hub of the community. I don't think it's about antinatalism; an echo chamber would just depress you more. It's actually way more exciting to be surrounded by people who challenge your beliefs.

    Much as you might disagree, it is completely obvious from your writing that you are likable, introspective, and interesting.

    Could you escape to Smartlandia?

  3. My social stupidity is generally a case of really bad timing, people often mistake me for quiet because they don't understand that I am constantly looking for the opportunity to chime in, but cannot, because unlike on the internet, it's rude to interrupt and I have no idea when it's right to say something. As far as friends go anonymous, keep in mind that most of these friends used to be bullies of mine that got bored bullying me. To keep them being my friends I have to pay them in the currency of acting impulsively (I have no, or maybe few, social inhibitions, so will do most things that aren't likely to cause me any serious aftereffects) I don't hate them, but I don't exactly hold them in high esteem. But to be absolutely honest with you anonymous I'm not really longing for anything. I can get slight enjoyment out of the people I talk to, even if most of the talking on my part is awkward and painful due to the fact that talking is not a fluid action for me, and I am probably still somewhat socially anxious. I don't long for anything because I am used to things as they are now. I USED to long for complete social isolation, and did not see the point in friendship at all, but I was a lot more low-functioning then than I am now.

    Hmmm, could happen Sister Y I guess. At least, I'd say, things will probably get a lot better, as a Computer Science course at university is most likely something of a sieve for autistics, nerds and intellectuals. Hopefully. I don't exactly care, as I've said before. The problem with being who I am is that interacting socially would probably make me feel better, but I don't do it because I don't feel the neurotypical urges to do so - I flat out forget most of the time to actually interact. (This, in this case, is actually something of a good thing, because it means I am quite resistant to painful social situations - silver linings woo).