Thursday, 5 April 2012

Suicidal thoughts are like psychotropic drugs

Failure is how you learn. And instead of getting all freaky about me failing this post and making some monstrosity unfit as toilet paper, I'll instead make Frankenstein's monster, say "Hey, we all make mistakes, no mistakes, no learning" and attempt to run before the villagers impale my head on a pitchfork. It's better to welcome people with a new blog post, even if it has too many eyes or feet, than to just sit there thinking "I'll write a great post in X days, just gotta wait for my brain to start working".

Suicidal thoughts* are like drugs. I shall give you that, freedom-crushers. Suicidal thoughts, those that are either involuntary or involve fantasies, are not the best of things. In fact they haunt us and hurt us and often cause us despair that we cannot act on them. Like all drugs I think, they're something to be used in moderation. Use the lovely "I'm no longer trapped!" feelings when you're down in the dumps, to put it lightly, or not so lightly, as no light will be getting to you down in the toxic sludge. Then the hangover - make sure you're probably going to be on a high when you have this one, because otherwise you're going to do something you'll regret (messy suicides aren't actually suicides - they're ways to use up emergency room beds and get scolded by whoever you're in contact with). And as for withdrawal, don't ever think too much about suicide (this is probably involuntary, but TRY at least) that you get addicted. That way madness lies. First, your tolerance builds up. No longer do you get those initial "THE WORLD IS GOING TO COME TO AN END! WOOHOO!" feelings, but rather, you feel hurt and lust for more intimate methods of getting your drug. You make notes, and detailed plans. You savour these things until, eventually, only the real act can give you any pain relief. And at that point, even if your life was bad enough that your suicide would be justified from a utility perspective, you did not make the choice. It was forced onto you. Do not pass go, do not collect £200.

So what is the gist of this? Essentially I'm going back on what I previously said. Maybe suicidal thoughts can help, but generally you should be wary of abusing them - REALLY wary. Though I do understand, by the way, that there is an involuntary element (humans have VERY little choice in anything they do - actually no choice if you are looking at things objectively rather than subjectively). So don't take what I say seriously if you most definitely have no choice in the matter - only if you can find that point at which you might have a suicidal thought, might not, and can influence your mind at that point. It's not always better to abstain from suicidal thoughts, they are coping mechanisms, but they are definitely not something to be taken lightly.

*Not the calm type of suicidal thought.  The niggling "DO IT DO IT DO IT" sort of thought or fantasy.

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