"There’s also something about experiencing anhedonia that makes it feel like you’ve lost something that you can never gain back. The realization that pleasure and fulfillment are subjective and depend on some kind of physiological process going on inside my brain never stops haunting me. It puts a subtle veil over every joyful experience. Even when I’m feeling recovered things are never same again. Happiness never feels quite as concrete or real as before the experience of anhedonia. Every time I experience some amount of joy there’s this subconscious part of me waiting for it to end. Reality itself is not as solid in my mind either. Everything is fuzzy and open to question. No real lasting security or comfort exists."
Not going to bore you all with another anhedonia post again, I mean, I would do that because I love the sound of my own voice (not literally, it sounds average and unexceptional), as I have said many times before, BUT, right now I am again in a state of depression where I can do nothing at all but sit back and read accounts of other people's severe depression/anhedonia - hoping they state that they got better, even though in most cases they never do. Not on the internet, anyway. So no posts for a while maybe, though I could be wrong.