Sunday, 24 July 2011

When left is right, when right is wrong

Recently I've been mulling over this almost eerie thought: the ordinary goal of an optimistic, life-loving, pronatalist person is to cherish the life that they have, and in doing so, make decisions to live their lives as best they can. But for me the situation, and the outcome, are completely opposite to this. I don't cherish my life, in fact, I want it to be over as soon as possible (but must wait for my loved ones to pass on first). And as a result, my modus operandi must be to waste as much time as possible - since I find my life to be worthless, I must therefore treat it as such and engage in the things that will make life flow in as quickly as possible. These basest of activities, I am guessing, include things like watching cheap, dirty entertainment on television, or pissing about on the internet when I could be trekking the Congo, you get the idea. But, oddly again, time is said to flow quickest when one is enjoying oneself - I think some scientific studies show this, more or less. But owing to my unique mental situation, enjoying myself will often simply result in more pain and suffering - mood-swings are quite prevalent in whatever I have, so as a secondary rule to living my life consciously, I must actually avoid the things that could make me happiest! To consciously live my life, I must unconsciously live my life in shallow distractions, and in order to be happiest long-term, I must be unhappy in the short-term! The situation I'm in is quite absurd, which is only fitting, because the same can be said about the universe in which I live.


  1. I didn't realize the lows of mood swings could be exacerbated by the intensity of the highs. If that's the case, what a cruel joke of nature!

  2. I think it's something to do with serotonin (or some other pleasure chemical) levels in the brain. When you're high, you have far too much of them. Therefore, afterwards, the amount of serotonin available has been depleted, meaning a low is then experienced proportional to how much was used. I think this may be the reason that methamphetamine and ecstasy have 'hangover' effects after the peak high is over. Still, I learnt this from some sort of after school special, so I'm not exactly sure of the validity of it. It's a good 'Just so' story, I think, though.