One thing I've heard that really maddened Nietzsche, other than the Syphilis, was the thought of Eternal Return. Now don't take me for an idiot here, it doesn't scare me coming back again, and again, and again and so on. I won't remember that I've lived this life before, and I certainly don't remember now, so it's inconsequential, really. But what's gotten to me recently about any Eternal Return, if it does happen (I think some scientific theories may posit another Big Bang occurring after the Big Crunch, but I'm not exactly sure of this), is that it really does make what we do here count, because what we do here, we'll be doing for eternity. Now again, I'm not an idiot. I'm quite sure that free will is not at all compatible with determinism - in fact I am quite sure that free will is only really compatible with pagan magic and the 'soul', but I do believe to an extent, that our beliefs, our memes, can have direct effects on our happiness (and along with that, that believing, if even subconsciously, in free will makes life more bearable). So if this meme were to implant itself into my brain - the meme that life here is meaningful, at least in respect of future lives I'm going to have, then that makes, actually, quite a lot of difference. If the universe is a one shot thing, then the infinity before my existence and the infinity after my existence make life completely useless and completely worthless in the grand scheme of things, since only an infinitesimal portion of the time where universes start and end is spent by you, living. But if the universe is something that simply happens continually, then really you ought to try harder at life - not because of the myth that 'it's the only one you have' but because it's not the only one you shall have; by being happy now you are saving for the future.
But this is of course, not the only thing you can take from this. You can make it an argument to try as hard as you possibly can IN CASE the universe is cyclic, but you can also make it an argument to simply stop trying, so you spend more time in those happy years before you were say, depressed, and less time in the years in which you were - by suicide, for example. This was actually the reason why I attempted suicide a while back there (stopping because I realised I would be causing my parents pain in every iteration of the universe, if the universe does repeat). I know full well however, that it's easier to say 'be happy!' than to actually be happy, but I think I'd probably take more risks in this life now, knowing that it's possible I might live it again.
Of course dear reader, this may all be a vat of monkey faeces. Again, maybe I'm wrong. I say so many things on here it's quite hard to keep track of some of the more ludicrous ones, so please, tell me if you think you have proven me wrong. I won't berate you or call you names, not even in return if you do so to me. In my next post of this '... and Me' series, I'll be looking at the school system in the Anglosphere - and why I'm sick of it. If you've been wondering what's happened to me in the last couple of days, I've been going through another pretty serious depressive episode. No idea why, I'm pretty sure most of what I have is quite chemical in basis. But as of the moment, I can probably presume the day-by-day posting again.