Monday, 27 June 2011

Vanity and the Quest for Celebrity: What is Wrong with Me?

It has come to my attention recently that this blog - this whole charade, is merely another fleeting attempt on my part for acceptance, for celebrity and for fulfillment. But I shall never fill the void - no one shall ever fill the void. I have stated before that the main purpose of my life, before I commit the ultimate in around 30 years, give or take a few, is to be happy. And this blog is not going to make me happy. No - it will simply make me suffer at every statistic I yearn for, for every comment that never was. The human race is not much of a thing but I am not even much of a human myself; I am a directionless soup of stupidity and ignorance, lacking in all personality and only dependent upon my painful little desires being fulfilled. But I have a temporary escape route: escapism, aptly named as it is,will be my saving grace for these years. The social sphere I cannot burst into, achievements I cannot attain, but pleasant distraction - that's possible. So I won't be writing here very much anymore. It will only cause me more pain. If I feel like it I might, but in general, I won't. The last post of mine on this streak I have been on will be a review of The Sunset Limited. After that, you need not tire yourself on my idiocy any longer. 

4 comments:

  1. Why can't you just pursue the goal of exchanging ideas with us? We people who know you already and read your blog? I think that's very valuable.

    I mean, the topic of antinatalism is never going to get you much ego-flattering anyhow, so if that's what you're going for, why be antinatalist in the first place? You see what I mean?

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  2. I probably will do just that (exchanging ideas) in the future, if I can. Don't mistake this as some kind of retreat into myself (it may sound like that, I know) - I simply mean that I am not going to take this as seriously as I was before. I understand the value of ideas, but I also understand that happiness is king in my life, and if I am in some way causing myself to suffer, I must stop that immediately. So don't expect a lot more on antinatalism - there isn't much more I can think of - or daily posts, I'm just planning on slacking off and writing what I want for a change. I think taking anything too seriously is inevitably going to lead to suffering in this life, I just really need to plant that more firmly into myself.

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  3. Belonging-seeking and status-seeking and attention-seeking are huge determinants of our behavior. This kind of seeking can make us miserable. But still, learning gets you high, and the most exquisite learning (in my experience) tends to correlate with social risk.

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  4. To be honest I think the risks are simply too great for me to stake anything substantial (I have issues with rejection). I think this may owe to the assortment of autistic traits I have, but I believe to some extent that I could probably replace those social risks with simple escapism - you see any gain for escapism is always positive, and it COULD potentially stimulate my innate drives for this kind of thing, while at the same time, social risks can result in negative or positive consequences - and I believe in my case, as I tend to invest myself a large amount in these things, that I could even suffer a net loss from them. But again, as I said, this isn't the end, just a slow-down and a rethink.

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